Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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