i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
