guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
