Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
