PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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