The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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