Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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