I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
