Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He did a backflip because drugs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
