we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
3pm strippers are depressing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
