i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
