I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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