i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
