While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
