dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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