Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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