he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
