i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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