you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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