never play flip cup with pint glasses
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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