I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
