I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
