The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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