i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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