I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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