My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
