there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
