I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
