I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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