I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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