i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
