We're facebook friends in real life
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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