I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
