Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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