I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
