If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
