areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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