You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
