So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize