nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
