Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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