College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
