I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
