ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
