There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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