I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
