A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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