Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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