my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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