Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
