FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
