new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have aggressive nipples.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
