If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
