Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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