I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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