It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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