Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
