my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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