From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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