i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
