Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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