your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
