lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
