woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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