I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
