found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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