hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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