Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
