So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
