i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
