Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
