This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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